Nonna News

Sign Me Up For That!

2011-08-02T17:33:00.001-07:00

Just like Congress, I would like an increase in my spending limit. Yes, I know, I've spent a lot lately - but only to stimulate the local economy. It wasn't all for me, I bought things for other people too. A Nordstrom Sale is just "Too Big to Fail" to go to.
"Enough is enough" the money earner proclaims!
No, not really. Black pants (1 each for dress, casual, skinny, classic, comfy and flattering) and shoes (smart, sexy, comfy, shiny, and then there are the colors - don't get me started!) define a well dressed woman.
Here's the deal:
Increase my spending limit now, then beginning in 2015 I will begin decreasing the increases by 1 cent per month. Really! I will begin spending a penny less per month for 10 years. Adjust for inflation of course. And it's not so much of a promise as a good intention.
What a plan! I think I'll go into politics...but I would need a new wardrobe.

What a Difference a TAN Makes

2010-07-15T23:14:00.000-07:00

I went to the pool with my grandkids and I felt good. I had a TAN!
I didn't think about how old I was or how much I weighed (thanks to my "magic" swimsuit that makes me look 10 pounds thinner instantly), I felt comfortable and confident. Instead of feeling self-conscious I imagined people asking "She's a grandma?"
I know it is vain and counter intuitive, but every woman in North America wants the perfect tan. We know the sun is bad for us. It ages us and will give us skin cancer - but boy will we look good when we go to the pool. This season I found the solution with "Endless Glow".
My daughter Angel joined a company that sells airbrush tanning and sunless tanning products.
In May, when I almost died in a tornado (see previous blog) I had it for the first time and it felt really great to know that if I died, at least I'd gotten a little sun first. In June when I visited Dallas again I had another and this time bought the sunless tanning products so it would last longer. They work great and do not smell bad. Really!
Having a "tan" has really lifted my spirits during the long cold spell (that should have been the beginning of summer) and now when I go to the pool, I can sit in the shade.
What a difference a TAN makes.

Time is Real, Not Relative

2010-05-28T09:45:00.000-07:00

Time is real. Really!
Real time. Time delay. Tell time. Story time. Bed time. Time to go! Time to start. Daylight time. Standard time. Mormon Standard Time. Just in time. Waste of time. Good use of time. It's almost time.
Running late. A little late. Too late.
If you set your clock fast, it does not change the fact of what time it really is. Time is a stable, dependable resource that is often in short supply. There is value to your own time, a need to respect other's time.
Years ago with our young family we found ourselves consistently late for church. It didn't matter what time our church began, it was always a last minute rush, a dash and likely a clash with tempers flaring and patience failing.
I was reminded of a story my seminary teacher Steve Sorenson taught: Imagine that there was a man who offered to give one thousand dollars to anyone who was at a certain terminal at the Portland Airport at precisely 6 a.m. If you were one minute, even one second late, you would receive nothing. No excuses.
What lengths would you go to, to ensure that you arrived on time? Would you plan extra time for a bridge lift, a flat tire, or a dead battery? Would you plan for unforeseen circumstances, parking and getting to the right terminal? When it was nearly 6 a.m. would you listen to one more song on the radio in your car, use the restroom to put on make-up or hang around with friends in the hall? If we could get there at 6 a.m. without fail...is it not merely a lack of respect, desire or urgency that causes us to be late for church?
Dan and I decided that we would plan adequate time to arrive at church on time without rushing. We planned how long it took to drive to church, arrive, park, go in and find seats. We then added the amount of time it takes to get into the car (about 5 minutes surprisingly with all the oh, I forgot my scriptures) and then 15 minutes for the "time to go" call when everyone brushes their teeth and puts on their shoes. It made going to church much less stressful.
While driving I am a better, more attentive driver if I am not rushing. If I'm going to a Dr. appointment, a hair appointment or a class at the gym my stress or enjoyment level is directly related to my planning ahead and leaving adequate time to arrive promptly.
I challenge anyone reading this to:

Change your clocks to reflect the actual real time
Have adequate clocks in your home to know what time it is
Be on time to every appointment for one week

Give me just a little more time!

Cheating Death Once Again

2010-05-25T15:28:00.000-07:00

Whew! That was a close one...

WAH-H-H, WAH-H-H, WAH-H-H

WAH, WAH, WAH

I knew it couldn't be good, but it didn't make sense to panic when I didn't know what the blaring horns meant. There were few people around in the Denver Airport that night, at least at the end terminal opposite where I arrived from Dallas. I had just settled in for my two hour layover.

I was entertaining myself near the large windows by watching the intense lightening, strong winds and horizontal rain. I figured if there was something I needed to do I would hear an announcement over loud speakers.

Again, the wah, wah of the horns. It may have been Morse Code, but surely an announcement would instruct us if something was amiss so I enjoyed the force of nature and was grateful I didn't need to go outside in the storm. After several sets of warning blares an airline employee came running by yelling at us to get away from the windows and into the shelters because of a tornado. Yikes!

I began walking quickly to the restrooms and sure enough, there on a little sign near the entrance it proclaimed the restroom was a tornado shelter. Tornadoes in Denver?

The calm people outnumbered by far the flustered and worried so an orderly chaos prevailed. I made myself comfortable in the sink area and immediately called Angel to see if she would buy me a swimsuit if a tornado hit. This is a long running joke between the two of us. (Angel, I'm a size 6 he-he)

After 20 minutes or so we heard announcements being made in the terminal, but they were not audible in the restroom/tornado shelter. Soon "the word" was being passed from the front to the back and when it got to me, the people were quite panicked and said we were being moved downstairs to safety. I was able to offer a little voice of calm to a couple of handicapped people, as they tried to maneuver oxygen tanks and wheelchairs out of the circular entrance to the shelter. I made sure everyone was out before I left, but when we came out there was no one directing or moving people and it seemed that the threat was over.

My mood could best be described as amused. I was not fearful at all, and honestly doubted the reality of a tornado in Denver. I did do my "Worse Case Scenario" thinking that Angel's family (who I had made the trip for) and Dan (who took a different flight home for business) would feel responsible if I died...but I trusted that Andi would reassure them I didn't blame them and it wasn't their fault...that's as fatalistic as I could conjure up and I realized that "Hey, I really am calm in a crisis", good for me!

I'm sure that the spirit blessed me with a peace beyond my "natural man" so I determined to be a strength to anyone I could during the experience. Again the horns blasted so the few travelers and I headed back wondering why they would give an "all clear" if things were not clear. Over the loud speaker, before I could reach the shelter, "all clear" was declared so I returned to the seating. One more panicked employee ran and yelled for us to take cover but the announcements contradicted him and he soon stopped to listen.

The threat of a tornado seems to loosen the tongues of fellow passengers and now instead of sitting quietly in our own little worlds we began talking to each other. The woman next to me worried that our flight would be late, and hoped she would arrive at her dying mother's bedside before she passed away that evening as the doctor predicted. That pretty much put my desire to get to bed in perspective. I tried to alternately comfort and distract her and we formed a bond that strangers do in such circumstances without exchanging names.

Our plane was diverted to another airport, delayed then finally arriving. Eventually we landed in Portland safely after a 4+ hour delay just after 3am. Note to self: Take only direct flights to/from Dallas.

The news confirmed there were tornadoes in the Denver area. So, I have cheated death once again! Oh, the things we will endure for a good blog topic...

It's time for "The Talk" on Modesty

2010-03-26T21:18:00.000-07:00

If there is something I am famous for it will probably be my talks on modesty to the young women about...ooh...20 years ago? . They were memorable to say the least. To this day when I see one of these young women (now all grown up) "The Talk" on modesty is what they remember. I did leave an impression - or scar - on them in this regard. The highlights they tell me were the barbie doll demo (Barbie and Ken dancing too close) and me bending over to expose (only partially of course) what should remain covered.
Now, I have felt impressed to teach the lesson again to a new crop of girls. The fact is, I'm teaching the daughters of the Young Women I taught before. Yikes! (see previous blog on aging crisis - have I lost my edge or just gone over it?)
The problem is I'm not sure I have the wild and crazy in me anymore. I'm going to need a pep-talk and serious prop clothing. I'm thinking of looking for a neon body suit to wear under my version of what they're wearing, but I doubt it will have the same effect...a work in progress. My main targets are leggings under short dresses, shirt gaps exposing boonda and the ever popular "Is this low enough to get their attention or do I need to drop something?"
Possibly I could sell tickets to this reprisal for a camp fundraiser!

Update: My lesson coincidentally coincided with the announcement that there would be a change in ward boundaries and I knew that I would be in another ward since we lived 50' from the ward line.

I ended up solving my "wild and crazy" dilemma by accepting the help of Alyssa (Barrus) Curran. She was one of my mutual girls back in the day, she is Michael's age. She is now the Young Women's President! She will do great.

I did do the "Barbie" thing, and I can confidently predict there will be no bear hugging committed by any of my girls.

My new calling in my new ward is in Relief Society...which means I won't be needing that cot, memory foam sleeping pad, high tech lantern, sleeping bag or tent...talk about cheating death once again (see tornado blog)!

54 - The New Thirty

2010-02-06T11:24:00.000-08:00

Turning 30 was pretty traumatic. That's why I say I'm 29...in fact I've said it so often I've started to believe it! Or maybe I AM getting old and I can't remember my real age. Who would have thought it would come to this?

18 - Married
19 - 1st child
24 - Last child
30 - Children all in school
40 - 1st Child married
42 - Last child leaves for college
43 - 1st grandchild
45 - Last child married
45 - Leave for mission
48 - Return from mission
53 - All children have children - 12 grandchildren ages 7mo. to 10 years

Being a mother was consuming physically and emotionally. It was a time of great focus and purpose that sometimes seems lacking in my life now. The rewards of motherhood far outweigh the sacrifice, especially now that it is in the past to a large degree. The distance from those day to day pressures have given increased understanding to what eternal joy really means.

As parents, the goal of raising responsible, righteous, intelligent and independent children is an intense time of life. Dan and I were very blessed to have children with strong spirits talented in those (and many other) areas. There is a great sense of joy that for our feeble efforts the Lord rewarded us with remarkable children. If I can boast of any "accomplishment" in life it is them. They have been my education and my career. They now nurture their own children who are so precious and dear to me that words cannot express my love for them.

So now, at 54, where does that leave me? Sometimes I feel I need more purpose, more feeling of accomplishment doing something important. I hope that my "education" and "work experience" can have value. Then I realize, it does.

54 - Wife. Mother. Grandmother. Daughter of God.

I still have my whole life ahead of me.

Snow Dance 2009 Meets With 100% Success

2009-12-29T22:45:00.000-08:00

Oh Yeah! We did it kids! The snow dance worked. From Dallas to St. George, Boise and Vancouver who can doubt the power of the snow dance?

Thanksgiving Family Reunion

2009-12-29T12:23:00.000-08:00

http://www.tmcustomportraits.com/proofs/Jensen

We had such a wonderful time being together and the days went by way too fast. The kids played together amazingly well and stayed in the basement which was very convenient for us adults! Eat, talk, eat, talk, repeat. The food was plentiful and we have much to be thankful for. We watched BYU win in overtime over Utah - life just doesn't get better than that!

Family pictures came together relatively easily, special thanks to those who planned the clothing.

We are just so blessed as a family! Here are words to a song by Michael McLean that came to my mind as it all drew to a close...

Well, it's hard to say goodbye and let go.
And it's hard to see it end.
When the memories we've just made may never happen again.
But it's harder for time to ever erase,
The together times we've shared.
So, when we're apart remember
All the love we've shared together;
And for all that love,
Thank the Lord above who showed us the way
That we can be together forever someday.
We can be together forever someday.

Barbeque Slug Fest

2009-12-29T11:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure how it started, but for the family reunion we had a talent show where the subject was "Barbecue Slugs". Each family developed an act for the subject. All of them turned out imaginative and we had lots of fun watching the acts and laughing our heads off. Raps, rock and primary songs were great - but I have to share the words for this one Angel & Brad came up with. It is set to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies...

Let me tell you a story about a man named Dan
In a "Micky Dee's" is where it all began
He had mad skills cookin' on the "Bar-bee"
And that's how he won the heart of Beverly!

Church that is...

Well they got hitched and had a family
Money was tight and they were hungry
So off Dan went to hunt 'em some food
When up from the ground come a slitherin' crude.

Slugs that is..."Washington Prime"...

Well home he came with 'em all in his hat
Beverly said "What the Heck is that?"
He said "Not sure, but I think it's food,
So grab some buns an' fire up the Bar-B-Que!"

Don't forget the Salt!

So now each year the story's told
To all our kin both young and old
How Bar-B-Que Slugs came to be-e-e-e...
The best tradition of the Jensen Family!

Then they danced a hoe-down and played air ukulele. It was great!
You all come back now, ya-hear?

Flash Forward

2009-10-03T22:45:00.000-07:00

What if we could see into the future?
What might we do different?
If we saw today, in the past, how might that have affected our choices?

The death of a friend and a new series on television has sparked some thoughts on this subject...

I have tried in the past to claim I am 29, but when 7-year-old grandchildren scoff, "Oh Nonna, you are 50 something" the gig is up. As 100 years (with the millennium) is a best case scenario it is clear that my life is at least half over.
Recently a friend in our ward passed away unexpectedly. He died on a Sunday evening, having been in perfect health and attending church that morning. He was 10 years older than Dan. Although we feel we are young and have many more years together, our friend's passing reminds us that each day is a gift. We've always hoped that the millennium would come before we had to face the reality of mortality.
The passing of our friend has changed how I see my life. The current "holding pattern" of health, security and companionship will someday come to an end. To consider if I had only 10 more years to be together with my husband would be frightening, but to naively think that life will never change is unwise.
What if we could see into the future?
I think that my entire life I have looked to the future as the cure all for unhappiness, stress and frustrations. Whether it was finding the perfect husband, getting the kids out of diapers or serving a mission with my husband - the future always held the promise of happiness. My perspective is changing now. Although I don't want to be that grandma that sits on the couch and talks about the past, the future will have a hard time beating it. Now more than ever I want to treasure the time that is now.

In my deep thinking mode a few nights ago, it was almost as if I was transported back in time. Remembering myself in our first apartment, sleeping on our hand-me-down bed, eating on a garage sale table and sitting on a D.I. reject couch. I was so happy to have found the perfect man, my new life was just beginning. I had lofty dreams and goals, but never would I have imagined the journey ahead. The places I've been, homes I've lived in, the things I've owned - all beyond my wildest dreams. But they are not what I remember, what I cherish. Not even a Sleep Number bed and two dressers can compare with the love of my life, Daniel and our children. Life brings us amazing experiences, many more than we imagined at 18 and 21 when we began our journey together.
Reflecting on the past, then flash forward to now - I realize that life moves quickly in retrospect, while crawling slowly, tentatively, in the present. Although some of the "experiences" are ones we wish didn't happen, they have all worked together to create the reality of today.
Today is wonderful!

Ode to Drixoral

2009-08-23T22:54:00.000-07:00

Oh! Drixoral, Drixoral. Wherefore art thou Drixoral?

'Ere once I openly met thee at the drugstores,

silently thou didst creep behind the counter.

Doest thou lay in slumber whilst I lay in agony?

Oh, my little green m&m pill!

Thou hast brought me relief in my youth when

I took thee into mine abode and cherished thee within my closet.

Never didst I abuse thee.

Ever did I beg thee to keep the formulation of thy youth.

I need thee!

My nose drips, my head throbs, there is no other who can take thy place.

Care ye not for my suffering? Is my searching to be in vain?

No more in the cold & allergy rack.

Not to be found behind the counter.

I journey the land seeking to find your hiding place,

Willing to sacrifice identity and gold to again possess thee, yet I depart empty handed.

I plea to the powers of the FDA and pharmaceuticals!

Enduring commercials for diseases previously unknown are but a minor irritation.

Gladly will I seek my medical professionals advice.

Please tell me where I can find thee once again, Drixoral.

Drixoral. Thy name is hope to me.

It is air in my nostrils, clearness of head and mind.

Drixoral, Drixoral! Please return to me, thy truest friend.

A Blessed Event

2009-08-21T20:30:00.000-07:00

Here is a picture of Ellie.

She is a smiler!

On August 2, 2009 our son, Brian gave a name and blessing to our precious grandchild. She was given the name Aelizia Laralei. What a wonderful event for our family. We gathered at our house afterwards to celebrate with lasagna and lots of baby holding. Ellie wore Laralei's blessing gown and is so beautiful we can never get enough of her!

35 YEARS DOWN - ETERNITY TO GO

2009-08-19T05:48:00.000-07:00

On August 19th Dan and I celebrated 35 years of wedded bliss. It is incredible to think of the experiences we have shared. I never could have conceived the joys I've experienced along the journey of life. Having children, the blessings of the gospel and temple in our daily lives, owning a business, activities with children and the community, traveling throughout the world for business and pleasure, serving a mission... we dealt with time-consuming jobs, demands of school and sports for the children, house-training pets, demanding church callings, building a home and financial ups and downs...but everything was faced together with the eternal perspective that we are a forever family.

After 35 years our eternal family has gone from two to 12 (5 children + spouses) to 24 (with 12 grandchildren)! I thought that marriage would be "always being together" which is exactly what it is now. The experiences we've shared and the promise of eternity means even when we're apart temporarily we are together...still just the beginning of these two young kids who fell in love.

Enjoy the video of us throughout the years!

TO BED IN TIME, SAVES WHINE

2009-07-18T12:35:00.000-07:00

Age 6 mo. here, Justis still sleeps with his dog and blanket. So cute!

I have recently discovered a universal truth in babysitting. Putting kids to bed on time saves tears and whining.

In the quest to be the best Nonna ever I have become very lax in my enforcement of bedtime curfews. This was not the case when I was mothering my children, but when "nonna-ing" grandchildren I fall victim to a "They're being good so what's the harm?" mentality.
My knowledge of child psychology (and physiology) should override such neglect of common sense. When a child stays up past bedtime, the facade of tranquility is bound to be short-lived. We now enter "The Whining Zone".
"I miss my mommy."
Children who are past the tired time quickly enter this zone with little to no provocation or warning. Favorite blankets, stuffed animals, degree of door opening relative to lights in adjacent rooms or the desperate need for sleepy time music is suddenly a crisis. No assurances or distractions can stop the tears.
Key to survival is NSF. The Nonna Sympathy Factor.
Although virtually unknown to my children, the grandchildren know just how to leverage their age, length of parent's absence and level of that day's obedience as key indicators to successfully stalling going to bed. Entering the Whining Zone means both players are losers.
So, "To bed in time, saves whine" are important rules to live by....no matter how old you are.

St. George - So HOT it's COOL

2009-07-09T12:24:00.000-07:00

June 27, 2009 Ethan Michael Jensen

is baptised and confirmed by his dad.

Nonna introduces cream puffs
as a food group to Adam Michael (6 mo.)

Dan and I went to St. George, Utah to visit Michael & Jani, Ethan (8), Emma (5), Aaron (3), Adam (6 mo.). We always have so much fun when we go to St. George. People say that it is the up & coming place to be, and I must agree that it is so HOT its got to be COOL.

Most days it was 110+ and being a "dry heat" wasn't much of a consolation. We went to a laser game place, a production of Annie in an outdoor theatre and some great restaurants. Dan and Michael played golf at some amazing courses while Jani, the kids and I had quality time at the hotel swimming pool. We met Michael & Jani's friends and family and were impressed by what great people they are and how much Michael & Jani are loved.

The best day was when Ethan was baptised and confirmed on Saturday, June 27th. We are so proud of the special young man Ethan is and the choices he has made. There is another precious joy to see our son with his beautiful family knowing the same joy we have known as parents.

It was a special day, back in Washington as well. Laralei & Brian were about to receive beautiful Aelizia as their first born (see previous blog).

It's hard to believe that 8 years have passed since Ethan's birth. We shared his story with our missionaries many times as an example that the Lord is in the details and blesses us with little miracles to bring us joy.

Jani was due with Ethan June 28th, 2001. This was the same day we were leaving on our mission, so we prayed for a little miracle. We came to Utah a week early so Dan could teach a short seminar there at the Provo Marriot. As we were about to leave for Salt Lake we arranged for someone with a cart to help with our many large suitcases. We waited for almost an hour then called the desk to check...they had forgotten us but someone would come soon. We checked the room one more time as the phone rang. It was Michael! Jani was in labor and in the hospital about to have the baby! The only reason he remembered our room phone number was because it was one digit off his work number! He didn't have any other phone number to reach us with him , so without this miracle we would have missed out! As it was, we drove to the hospital, saw them for a minute and went to the waiting room. Within an hour Michael came out to tell us the happy news and we were able to see Ethan when he was only a few minutes old. The night before we left for Italy we skipped the special banquet and went to pizza with Michael, Jani & her family. I held Ethan several times. Finally, as Dan and I turned and left down that long hallway of the MTC Dan said; "Shall we not go forth in so great a cause". And we did.

We did it knowing that the Lord had blessed us to have this last choice experience. It will always be a testimony that the Lord cares about his children so much that he will oversee phone numbers and memory lapses to work for our good.

Aelizia June 27, 2009

2009-07-04T11:19:00.000-07:00

Aelizia Laralei Jensen arrived a little early and had a few complications but we are excited to have that behind us and have her home with her mom and dad - Brian & Laralei. She was 6.3 pounds and her length is in dispute but I can tell you she has long fingers and toes. Her features are delicate and her little face perfectly round and innocent.

At birth she had severe anemia and had to be transferred to a hospital with a NICU to receive a blood transfusion. It was critical for a while but they felt the Lord's hand in guiding the timing, process and health professionals who did tests not normally done which revealed the problem promptly. Thanks to all who have fasted and prayed for her.

Brian and Laralei are so grateful to begin their family... I even saw Brian change a diaper! I love seeing the look on their faces as they hold her. It was worth the wait, they're a beautiful little family now.

Aelezia - we'll be calling her Ellie - make an even dozen of grandchildren for me. 6 boys, 6 girls...an OCD dream come true!

DALLAS - HOT LIKE A FEVER!

2009-07-03T11:23:00.000-07:00

Dallas in June is hot, or did I have a fever?
My nonna services were needed for two families at once. Being the "out of the box" type of thinker I am I came up with a plan. I took Justis and Nia to Texas to be with Tori and Abbie so I could nonna sit both at once. Angel and Brad were only gone for a few of the 10 days so I can't over dramatize my bravery...but there was one contingency we didn't plan for: Strep Throat.
A day or two after arriving Justis didn't feel well. He seemed to have a fever and said his throat hurt so I gave him some Tylenol. He had a badly infected finger which we thought may be the cause of the fever. Soon, Tori and Nia didn't feel well. Virus alert!
It was 90+ degrees, it was hard for me to judge if I was hot, or fever hot. Pain killers/fever reducers are a miracle of modern science. They allowed me to continue my hectic schedule of cooking, swimming, playing and keeping the house picked up while Angel and Brad were gone. I felt terrible, but was loving the chance to be with the kids. Time to suck it up!
Angel had planned fun activities to do like a splash park and a huge jumping/slide kid's place all of which entertained and exhausted the munchkins. Dallas has a large aquarium where the kids saw sharks being fed, huge alligators and a jaguar (he wasn't sure what he was doing in an aquarium). Dallas is an awesome place for families. The pool in their condo unit is literally behind their backyard. No one was too sick (when properly dosed up) to play so we had a great time.
I was glad I could bring the cousins together.
After we returned home Andi took Nia to the doctor and she tested positive for strep. Wow! That explains so much. My blood tests were off the chart for bacteria, a sign I had strep, but I was fine by then. Angel became sick and she tested positive as well. I was gone by then so I couldn't make her jello:)
We had so much fun in Dallas, it was "hot"!

The Calorie Myth

2009-05-24T23:43:00.000-07:00

Here I am making Lasagna for 65 guests. I didn't really get dirty, just dabbed on some sauce for effect. I made homemade gelato and fresh dressing from scratch for the salad made from scratch...they haven't discovered pre-made salads yet - a possible business opportunity for someone out there

While I'm in my kitchen, let me give you a few tips for healthy eating. First: The so-called experts on dieting have the calorie theory all wrong. Let me explain how it works.

Calories are a measure of energy. Eating is the way we who are not blessed with a windmill for a head to make energy. Energy is needed to perform our daily work, exercise, shop and babysit. Cooking a meal, setting the table and cleaning up use calories, thus canceling any calories consumed by eating in these activities. Some foods have received the reputation of being "high" in calories which supposedly makes you gain weight. Let me just point out a few of these myths.

Common Sense: Healthy food is good for you.

Myth: Cake, cookies, ice cream, etc. are high in calories.

Fact: Combining healthy ingredients from different food groups; such as flour, eggs and milk make such healthy foods a "balanced meal".

Common Sense: It is important to consume water. Water has no calories.

Myth: Soda, watermelon and whole milk are high in calories.

Fact: Water is NOT fattening. These foods are first and foremost mostly composed of water. Take the water out, there is virtually no weight left in these drinks. Therefore, things mostly composed of water are not fattening but rather good for you.

Common Sense: "Garbage in, garbage out" applies to food. If you consume 10 pounds of... say whole wheat flour you should by this rule gain 10 pounds (since it is not mostly water or a combination of healthy foods, see above)

Myth: Eating potato chips is fattening.

Fact: Ridiculous! If you eat a 10 oz. bag of potato chips the most you should gain is 10 oz. That's less that a pound. When eating candy, which does weigh more, go for things such as a Milky Way bar or a Twinkie which are light and fluffy. Snickers, by contrast are a bit heavier.

True: Protein is an important part of your diet.

Myth: Meat, as a heavy food item is high in calories. Not when served as part of a healthy meal.
Fact: Protein (steaks, hamburger, etc.) when consumed with other healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables are a balanced diet which is healthy eating. Try potatoes (vegetable) with butter & sour cream (dairy), rolls (grains) and soda. Yum, yum, and good for you too.

Share your diet tricks for a healthless life style!

The Perfect Job For Me

2009-04-29T23:46:00.000-07:00

I am currently unemployed. One could even say I am chronically unemployed. I have thought of several jobs which I would be perfect for. Please contact me with openings in the following fields...Test model for eyebrow plucking. Perhaps a chain of them marketed to women over 50 who can no longer see their eyebrows close enough to pluck them.

Color naming. Forget boring, predictable names. Orangutan Orange, Positively Perfect Pale Plum, Baby Blinking Blue. I'll be up all night thinking up more of these...

Writing crazy passwords for people to type into the comment section of the blogs...usually it says something although it's careful to be cryptic and not too obvious...is there really someone who does not see it on their screen?

Parking cars. I have lots of experience in Italy.

Street naming. If I named streets, subdivisions would have a "theme" like Camelot. Sir Lancelot Lane, King Arthur Avenue, Sword Street (say that 5 times fast!).

Worst case scenario planning. It would be kind of like pre-planned funeral arrangements...it ends in disaster but preparing for it is half the fun.

List making. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it with a list.

Now do your own perfect job description in the comment section.

Don't Worry, Your Car is Okay

2009-04-24T10:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Dan,
There's been a little "incidente" (Italian for 'accident') tonight. Don't worry, your car is okay. This was my evening:
Since you were out of town, I agreed to watch Justis and Nia after school. I planned to take them to Mutual with me tonight while Andi and Jason did their Choffee thing in Portland. For dinner I made the kids and I a Bertolli (pasta in a red sauce with chicken breast) since they had liked it before and I was not in the mood for corn dogs, mac & cheese or eating out. Nia ate well but I had let Justis fill up on ice cream, fishies, oreos, etc. so he fussed about eating. All bribes and threats were unsuccessful, and since he had been sick earlier in the week I decided not to force feed him.
I went upstairs to change into church clothes (it was an Easter Program at the Stake Center) and told the kids to brush their teeth. They were confused... "Why do you have to brush your teeth if it's not bedtime?", but they complied.
We went in your car to the Stake Center, arriving 10 minutes early. Stepping out of the car, about to go around to get Justis out of the car when "URP" goes Nia. Don't worry, your car is okay. She urped on the ground right next to your car.
There was no warning, complaining of feeling sick, etc. URP...all over the parking lot where people would walk. It was a Stake Activity and the parking lot was full of people. I had to clean it up somehow. I would go into more details about how hard it is to clean up vomit from an asphalt parking lot but I will spare you the details.
I had to leave them alone out there while I ran inside to get paper towels. I cleaned up fairly well, but what to do with the dripping, smelly paper towels? I found some baggies we had for the dog, whew. Okay? No, more urping. Another trip inside to get more paper towels. Both kids were in tears and I was wondering what I was doing in this situation. Just lucky I guess.
When we were fairly sure the urping was done we got into the car and went to their home. (As you remember we had just had the carpets cleaned from Justis' turn with the bug). I laid Nia's coat on her lap and told her if she got sick again to throw up into her coat. She was horrified at the thought so I began to take off my jacket to give to her. She said she would just "hold it". She wisely sensed it would be a bad idea to throw up in your car.
We made it home with no urping and she went straight to bed. I prepared a bowl and towel just in case and she urped several more times. Through this all I stayed pretty calm and knew things could have been worse. I stayed with her in her room, held her hair back when she urped some more. I read to Justis and spent some time watching them sleep... it was actually a very special bonding time. It made me a little nostalgic, wishing I could go back in time to sit and watch our kids sleep at this age...We're so blessed.
So...all's well that ends with no urping in your car.
Love, your wife (and protector of all things red and sporty) beverly

Hot Party? Fire Extinguisher Required!

2009-03-12T17:35:00.000-07:00

No dinner party can be complete without a proper centerpiece. This is what I learned in Relief Society Tuesday night. The teacher showed how to use candles, fabrics and greenery to make the perfect centerpiece for our holiday buffet. I had 24 hours to make a dozen pies and souffles, clean the house, set up tables for 30 or so guests and create a knock them dead centerpiece.
Early the next morning I trekked to Target and Michael's. I spent about $100. Ouch. But hey, I NEEDED a centerpiece for our party. It was the day before Thanksgiving and the decoration would last through all of the holidays.
As Ward Missionaries we had invited our Gospel Essentials class...investigators, new members, part members and some leaders.
I wish I had a picture of the finished product. It was an absolute work of art! On our large island in the kitchen, using cardboard boxes I made different levels. The boxes were covered with lame, netting, bows and greenery. Candles of every sort, (unscented of course:) in holders, trays and candlesticks were the final touch. The lights were dimmed and the candles lit as guests began to arrive.
It was Pie Night. All pie, all night. Pizza, souffles and pie. Lots of it.
We could not eat as much pie as I anticipated, but we ate as much as we could. Afterwards we moved to the living room for games. We were having a great time, 20-30 minutes into the game, when our friend said calmly "I think your kitchen is on fire".
When they say "Do not leave candles unattended" they really mean it. Where once a masterpiece of a centerpiece had stood, there were now 3 foot flames reaching to the ceiling. The candles on the bottom had burned to the level of the cardboard boxes and fabric nearby igniting the whole decor.
My first thought: "How embarrassing!"
Dan's first thought: "Hey! I get to use my fire extinguisher!"
Before I could suggest a less messy approach and a solution that would spare at least some of the pies...he had the pin out and was liberally spraying the whole area. Fire extinguishers put out fires really well. They put out parties too.
Once the excitement was over and the result was more than offers of "Can I help you clean up?" were meant to cover people began making their excuses to leave. I envisioned my whole reputation (reputation for what I'm not sure) being destroyed and people whispering at church "Did you hear that Sister Jensen caught her house on fire during a party?" I was devastated.
Brother Rogers, a new convert, diffused the tension as he left. "Wow, it's been a while since I've been to a party that we burned something up!"
Suddenly I could see, I would look back on this one day and laugh.
"That's right! Be sure to tell everyone. The Jensen's know how to throw a party!"
All of the pies were destroyed. It took hours to clean up the mess and months before we removed the soot from the ceiling...
Sunday when I walked into church no one bothered to whisper. I was famous for throwing The Party of the year. Not a bad reputation to have.

Key, Key, Who Has the Key?

2009-01-24T22:54:00.001-08:00

Oh, for the good old days when you lost a key you went down to the hardware store and had another made for a dollar...

When we bought the Lexus we were assigned our own "key". I use quotation marks because this is not a key in the traditional sense because it is not inserted into anything. It is a small device that sends out an electronic signal which is required to open the doors or start the car with the push of a button. The key also adjusts the seats automatically, according to whose key is being used.

About a month ago I noticed that my Lexus key was missing. I didn't worry about it much at first. I figured it was in one of my purses or coat pockets so I just used Dan's key. Weeks later I got around to looking for it, soon it became an obsession. I looked at least twice through all the coats in both coat closets (we have enough to keep a small country warm), purses, pants, suits coats, etc. I looked through mine and Dan's because sometimes we use each others keys. I was not positive this was my fault. In fact, the more I looked the more I became convinced that it was Dan's fault because I looked in every conceivable place - and some inconceivable ones as well. Under couches, drawers, scripture cases, suit cases...I looked everywhere!

I gave up looking and bought a replacement key on eBay ($100). Additionally there is a charge of $80 to have it "programed". Experience shows this is the prerequisite to finding the lost item and that is exactly what happened.

Friday night we decided to go with Andi and the kids to a "Glow in the Dark" mini-golf at the mall. I was looking through my closet for something with a little bit of white. In the back of my closet I saw a sweat jacket which I rarely wear. You guessed it, a lump in the pocket and there it was! I had searched every other pocket in that closet!

I decided to play a little joke and left the key in Dan's top drawer. It is too high for me to see into and had been his assignment to search. I thought he would find it and know I put it there and we would have a little laugh.

Dan was getting his wallet when I heard him start to laugh. It was his really loud laugh. I figured he had found the key and knew I had played the joke on him. When he came downstairs I questioned him. He said it was nothing. I was left wondering if he had found the key. I didn't let on to my little secret though.

Later, I checked his drawer and the key was no longer there so he must have found it. He asked me a suspicious question about what jacket I had worn so I checked my pocket. Sure enough! He had put it there. So, I put it in one of his coat pockets and am waiting for him to find it there. That will be the end of the gig...but I'm going to act innocent.

Key, key. Who has the key?

Snow Dance Works Again!

2008-12-14T14:27:00.000-08:00

Snowku
Distracted snowflakes.
Hesitate. Accumulate.
Drift gently to ground.

Wow! Can you believe almost 10 inches already? We're very excited here with the promise of defeating the cries of global warming this week with an Arctic Chill forecast and more snow on the way.

SNOW. SNOW. SNOW!

The Jensen Snow Dance Tradition

2008-12-01T22:10:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure when the snow dance tradition started, but it has grown and evolved over the years. It is key to do the snow dance when the weather is looking and "feeling" like snow. Forecasts for snow are a plus. This increases the level of faith for the Snow Dance, thus increasing its likelihood.
The snow dance is performed similar to an Indian Rain Dance. Simply hop and dance in a circle while moving your arms like snowflakes.
We did not have a "snow chant" until this year. I wanted to ramp it up...

Snow, snow, we want snow.
Snow, snow, let's go!
Snow, snow, please come.
Snow, snow, its lots of fun.
Snow! Snow! Snow! SNOW!

Some of the Jensen's best snow memories:

In Mt. Vista next to the Drapers...

We had a very steep driveway. It was the best hill ever for sledding with pine bushes and garage doors at the bottom. Our kids hit the Drapers garage and they hit ours.
It looked like so much fun! Once, I went down the hill and hit the drain bump. I caught some air and broke my tail bone! I was in pain for weeks. Wisely, that was the last time I went sledding.
The kids and I would watch out the girls window as Dad would try to make it up the driveway so he could go to work. We always hoped he wouldn't make it. He would start in the garage, rev up the engine then take off. Half way up the hill he would lose traction and the car would start rolling back down the driveway.
One year there was an "Arctic Chill". We had a lot of snow plus freezing temperatures, it was really too cold to play in. We had the Foltz children over since school was canceled and the kids had lots of fun. It lasted almost a week.
The same Arctic Chill froze our fountain, waterfalls and ponds. Because Dad was out of town I went to a tack store to get a "cattle trough heater" in a vain attempt to keep it thawed. The kids went out every hour or so to try to break up the ice but it was a lost cause. I'm sure they all remember that!

Sunriver...

The snow was part of the attraction of Sunriver. There were sledding hills and Mt. Bachelor to ski. The kids were still beginners when I took them skiing. It was great! There was virtually no one else skiing. That's when we got hit with a blizzard. Angel's ski came off, others skis were not properly bound and with other complications we had to be rescued off the hill.
The hot tub was especially fun when there was snow. The kids would wear their boots out to the hot tub.

The teen years...

The kids were not allowed to drive in the snow. I think Dad took them to a parking lot to get a feel for it, but we didn't let them drive on the roads.
One year Andi prayed for snow. Snow fell more often than any other year. Each time it snowed a major dance at school or church had to be canceled. New Years, Preference, Valentines...a great teaching moment on what to pray for!

The mission...see above picture...

The first winter of the mission I could feel snow in the air. We didn't watch news or forecasts, this was strictly a gut feeling. I invited the office Elders to do the Snow Dance with me. Within a day or two it snowed! They were duly impressed! It was only a few inches but hey, snow is snow. That was the only snow of the mission and it is very rare for Italy

So, keep up the tradition everyone. Do the Snow Dance!

The Conundrum of Halloween Candy

2008-10-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

Do you buy the candy you like so you can eat the leftovers...or buy what you don't like so you won't eat the leftovers? What a conundrum!

What Do You Clean?

2008-10-25T16:38:00.000-07:00

When you are going to have guests to your home, what do you clean?
Another way of saying it, when you go to someone's house what do you notice is clean? Not clean?
Our stake has been doing preparedness classes. I volunteered to host the last class in the series this Thursday. I have been in the process of re-organizing bathroom cabinets, the playroom closet, food pantries and storage room. The last two in case someone asks to see my storage systems and the others just because...I don't know why but it seemed important at the time.
The playroom is/was a total waste of time because there are about 6 kids coming and they will play in the playroom (see irony of the playroom blog). The first mothers that take their kids in there will be duly impressed I guess.
The other wrinkle, which I know will get me no sympathy, is that the person who helps with the cleaning comes on Friday, the day after.
Come clean! Where do you look, and where do you clean?

Changing Clothes

2008-10-25T15:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes Change Is Not Good!

This memory is from my childhood...
I remember mother and daddy getting mad at me for changing my clothes “10 times a day”. "They’re my clothes, why can’t I change them whenever I want?"
Of course I didn’t understand the mess and the laundry resulting from that practice…
Angel was the same way, changing her clothes constantly. I told her my story, but said if she picked up her clothes after she changed them, it was okay.
Then… there was laundry.
To her, picking up her clothes meant putting them in the laundry basket. I told her if she did her own laundry she could change as much as she wanted. That pretty much took care of her changing clothes all the time, or at least how it affected me.
I realized that my mother couldn’t just throw in a load of clothes like I could, she borrowed my grandma’s wringer washer at that time and hung the clothes outside on a line. It was a lot of work for my mother with our large family.
Now, Angel has two little girls who change clothes constantly! Angel scolds them about it but I don’t think you can fight genetics!

The Fascination of Impending Doom

2008-10-06T14:54:00.000-07:00

(dialogue of me to myself)

Today's self-psycho-analysis session will focus on your fascination with impending doom. The format for today's self-psycho-analysis will be the Who/What/Where/When/Why/How format. Please keep your answers short because you are paying by the hour.

Who are the likely recipients of impending doom?
In my mind, (since that is where self-psycho-analysis takes place and does not necessarily follow a rational thought process) only the wicked or foolish will suffer.

What are your impending doom fascinations about.
1. Armageddon. That is my number one. I say get this whole thing over and done with so we don't have to worry about wars and wickedness and R-rated movies anymore.
2. Bombs. Destroying only the wicked, of course. Mainly that Abbameanajob guy. I say nuke him before he nukes us or the Israelis.
3. Widespread viral outbreak. That season of "24" was not to be missed or taken lightly. If we are all confined to home I hope we will still have internet and cable connections. I have food in my freezer and enough antibiotics to protect a small army.
4. Weather. Hurricanes get the most news coverage. Personally, I look forward to snow.

Where do you look for impending doom information?
For most of my news I go to Fox News. They have great financial and political doom scenarios. Also Glen Beck. He takes impending doom and puts it on a platter. It would just be rude to not have at least a taste of it floating around my head.
TV series have great impending doom scenarios I might never think of on my own. Jericho, for instance, took a nuclear attack to a whole new level.

When do you expect this impending doom to arrive?
Hurricanes are the best because you get a real timeline updated in real time. I hope no one gets hurt except the "unwise" who go surfboarding. That is just natural selection at work. I wish no homes would be destroyed but when you build your house on the sand below sea level in a hurricane zone...well we know how that song ends.

Why do you think you have this impending doom fascination?
There is a line between being prepared and being paranoid. I need reading glasses so that line can become fuzzy at times.
Being prepared is good a thing. When I think of a disaster, but know that I am prepared for it, I feel secure.

How does your thought process work?
Now, if I knew that, I wouldn't think it! Basically, I think planning for the worst and hoping for the best is ideal, but not a characteristically familiar thought process. I see the possibility for impending doom and figure out a way to make it bearable if it happens to me.

Have you ever experienced impending doom first hand?
I've blocked out that memory.

Top Ten Reasons to Buy a Segway

2008-08-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

In San Diego we went to the Wild Animal Park and went on a Segway tour.
In this picture we are not moving but standing still on Segways, with a mean looking Bison in the background.

To ride, you simply put weight on your toes or heels to move forward and back. By turning the handle you can turn 360 degrees. Segways are balanced with a gyroscope and run completely silent. So-o-o-o...I need to think of some ways to convince Dan we should buy Segways.

Top Ten Reasons to buy a Segway

10) Emergency Preparedness. A great evacuation vehicle, it can travel 8-10 mph for about 20 miles on a single charge.

9) Save the Planet. It uses no gas, emits no fumes.

8) Cost effective. If gas were $10 a gallon and we could save...maybe 2 gallons of gas a month...a Segway could pay for itself in only 20 years!

7) Exercise. More distance = more exercise. Think how many miles we can "run" without ever breaking a sweat.

6) Coolness Factor. "My Grandpa has a boat." "Yeah? Well my grandpa has a Segway."

5) Visits from relatives. Be honest, wouldn't you be creatively thinking of a reason to visit? Perhaps, a spontaneous desire to bring us homemade chocolate chip cookies?

4) Date night. Forget $75 for dinner and a movie. We can see the world (within 20 miles) and probably be invited to a neighbors barbeque.

3) Christmas Cards. "Dear friends and family, We are well, the kids are swell. We have Segways. Happy Holidays"

2) Easy access. Access to fast food has never been easier. A front storage compartment will hold a Big Mac, fries and an extra large Sprite. Loan payments are conveniently made with easy access to drive thru banking.

1) And the number one reason why we should buy a Segway? You tell me. Believe me, Dan is a hardsell on this one so make it good!

Why I Make My Bed

2008-07-26T18:31:00.000-07:00

There are two important times for your house to be clean:

Christmas
Vacation

The reason for the first is obvious. "Santa doesn't come to a messy house."

Seat belts for car accidents. Life jackets for boat accidents. Remember: "Seat backs in their full and upright position. In case of a water landing your seat cushion may become a floatation device." Low calorie, low fat and low sodium. Yes, potential death is a real motivator.... but not as motivating as potential public embarrassment.

If you are in a fatal accident while on vacation the Relief Society will "come in". This "coming in" will include judgement on what kind of a person you were, based on how clean your house is at the moment of tragic and sudden death.

Yes, the Relief Society will see if you have left any dishes in the sink or failed to make your bed. The "tsk-tsk" of a Relief Society President who had to "come in" only to find your laundry was piled up would never let you rest in peace.

This embarrassment would live in infamy. It would be unfortunate to be remembered as "that woman" who left her home a mess when she left on vacation.

Let this be a warning; "Yea, a reminder for this generation". Wear clean underwear and mop the floor on the way out.

If I am in an accident while on vacation would someone please "come in" and clean my office before the Relief Society does!

Making Lemonaid Outside the Lemonaid Stand

2008-07-15T07:02:00.000-07:00

I am a good lemonade maker!
Give me a lemon, or most any "fruit" and I can create some sort of juice. I can take a problem and then find a solution, if not immediately then at least eventually I can find a way to improve it. I do not take full credit of course because Dan and I come up with a lot of this together...here are some examples.

Problem: Traffic at the airport is insane. There are "Airport Nazi's" blowing whistles for you to move on and then you have to take the 1 mile loop to come back. Cars have been lined up a quarter mile at times. The cell phone lot is in a dark, deserted place that I try to avoid.
Solution: We have a two level deck with departures upstairs and baggage claim for arrivals downstairs. While the whistles, honks and sighs of frustration emanate from down below....I am relaxing smugly at the curb upstairs. There are maybe 10 other enlightened souls up with me waiting for their spouses to arrive. Few if any passengers are departing at these peak arrival times so I can park and relax until Dan comes. If he has checked luggage he simply rides the elevator to the upper level.

Problem: How to get American goods while living in Italy on our mission.
Solution: Parents come with empty suitcases to pick up their missionaries. Dan would call one or two as needed to ask them to bring some things with them. We ordered the items on the Internet and had them sent to the parents home. Sometimes we asked parents to buy things if we couldn't order it online and then we reimbursed them upon their arrival. This is a partial list of the items brought to us...6x8' area rugs (2), nylons, items won on eBay, lap top (twice:), favorite candy, "underwear", 1000's of Cd's (only got nailed with tariff's once), decongestants (TONS! we sold them at cost to the missionaries) and onion soup mix. None of the other MP's had thought of this.

These are clear examples of making lemonade outside the lemonade stand, but it's really the small, everyday solutions that I come up with that sometimes amaze even me! I've even figured out something to list as a talent on the Relief Society surveys: making lemonade!

Why Sheep Get Lost

2008-07-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

The purpose of the Primary lesson was to teach how Jesus is our shepherd. We are his sheep and should follow Him. After explaining what a shepherd does I thought I would teach the 5-6 year-olds how to be good sheep and follow the shepherd with an object journey.
"We will be quiet sheep," I optimistically instructed my 7 sheep. "I will be the shepherd." I lined them up in twos. One boy was asked to be the shepherd helper in the back to make sure all the sheep came.
I opened the door. Before I could step into the hall most of the sheep were halfway down to the chapel. The sheep who were paying attention came back and we waited for the others to notice they were astray. Our first stop was the library and we almost made it there together as a flock.
We continued outside because it was such a beautiful day and sheep love the sun. The flock scattered from the path and did not hear the voice of their shepherd. It was a lot like herding cats.
We came back into the building because clearly this was not going well. We stopped in the area between the inner and outer doors to continue the object lesson. There were only 7 children (I've had as many as 14) and I could hardly contain them within an enclosed 10x10 spot. "This is our sheepfold where we would stay for the night." The shepherd's helper was placed at one door and I was at the other. I told them that he was like the Bishop who helps Jesus. Each of them were given a wall - a commandment that would help them stay safe. "The shepherd will help you be safe if you stay together and listen to the shepherd."
I was frustrated. This was turning out to be a great lesson but no one was listening! The sheep were ignoring the shepherd and doing whatever they pleased.
Suddenly it all became very clear...this is the predicament the Savior is in. He can certainly not force the sheep to stay in the fold. He loves his sheep and does not want any of them to be lost...but they are just grazing and looking for green pastures to roam on their own.
This is why sheep get lost.
If we stray from the safety of the sheepfold we are prey for the wolves of the world. If we do not learn the voice of our Shepherd we will be distracted and not know which way to go. We need to PAY ATTENTION or the lessons will be over and we will end up coloring a picture instead of painting an eternal future.

Procrastination

2008-06-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

I need to clean my office. Coming from the person who is a "closet organizer" this is hard to admit. My closets are clean and organized but my office is not. I thought it would be fun to list some of the creative activities I have used as "procrastination techniques". Perhaps some would be useful for you....

Laundry. This is great because it needs to be done and it can be done and then it is done until a day or two later when you can do it again.
Ironing. It is a sad day when I would rather iron than clean my office.
Prepare a Primary Lesson. A noble cause, yes? This must include a very creative handout or activity that will be interesting to the children and help the parents know what we are learning about. This is a weekly event so it can be used to procrastinate at least once a week.
Compile 72 hour kits. This could be something I really appreciate later. The downside is that all of the emergency info available from different sources is now a major part of the problem of the messy office.
Laminate paper to hold business cards and addresses on the inside of kitchen cabinets. Yes, I'm becoming a bit desperate now. One is for neighbors, and one is for services like painting, house or carpet cleaning, lawn care, etc. This has greatly enhanced my enjoyment of opening the two cabinets that before held sticky notes.
Email. How convenient that I must delete multiple emails from foreigners who have great investments or vitamins that would change my life!
Watch a T.V. show. Once it is evening and I have put in a hard day of procrastinating who could really blame me for wanting to relax a bit.
Mah-jong. This solitaire puzzle is mind numbing.
Re-organize the file cabinet. Make labels for the dividers and make sure the subjects are color coded. See "closet organizer" blog, but think paper. There is much more to do, so I may soon be procrastinating this as well.
Replace, update and hang pictures for the grandkids hall of fame. This is in my office so I do consider it part of the cleaning process.
Blog. I can write a new blog...check my blog for comments... look at my kids blogs for new postings and then blog my comments for them. Blog, blog, blog.

It's The Thought That Counts

2008-05-25T22:29:00.000-07:00

For Mother’s Day the Relief Society held a special program for all of the Sisters. It was arranged that the Priests would teach the Primary Classes that Sunday. Well, it's the thought that counts...
The priests came in the Primary Room with the confidence that comes with 5 minutes of basic survival training. They were not given a parachute as they were pushed out of the plane into the Primary war zone. High casualties were expected.
The battlefield was full of confusion. "Third door on the left" sounded the battle cry. They froze in their places as they were either rushed with adrenalin or falling into a stupor of thought. It was hard to tell. They consulted with each other trying to figure out who was teaching which class, who could count three doors down and which side was left. Seeing their bewilderment I lead them to the battlefront of the classroom.
The children were surprised by the change of command. "What are 'they' doing here?" they whined. After explaining about Mother's Day, the kids were still confused, "You are a teacher not a mother". The children still did not understand what was going on. I continued to explain while seating them boy/girl.
Well, there were not enough girls to do boy/girl exactly and this was upsetting to one of the girls. As she begins to cry we arrange it the best we can by seating boy/girl/boy/boy/girl/boy/boy/girl/boy. It was the best pattern we could come up with.
The kids were still unsure of the situation and very wiggly. I explained again that the young men would be teaching and they needed to be reverent. I had no delusions that this pep talk would be effective. It did, however, give the illusion of calm to the young men. Reality would arrive soon enough.
It would be impossible for these relunctant warriers to remember the children's names. I had an idea to help them out, small hankies to replace the missing parachutes. I counted off the children and told them that their number was their name for that day. The young men looked uncertain. I was determined to instill confidence to my faltering troops. I smiled reassuringly and said: “Okay, I’ll turn it over to you and you’re all set.”
“Where are you going? Aren’t you staying with us?” they begged.
Time to become a man!
I patted them on the shoulder and I did not look back.

Your Theory Welcome

2008-05-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I could have died!!! (Dramatic exaggeration added for dramatic effect.)
Tuesday as I opened the garage door and stepped toward my car door (Izzy, the red one:) I almost met my demise (or a serious head wound) as wood, metal, playpen parts and bungee cords fell from the ceiling only inches (so many inches it could be measured in feet, maybe yards) from my head.
Luckily, it missed Izzy and I so you do not need to send cards, we're okay.
There in a heap lay the remains of the decorator dog kennel. The playpen piece was the make shift lid we secured with bungee cords to keep Zoe from jumping out. When all was said and done we decided it was not that "decorator" with the playpen floor strapped to the top so we put it in the garage in one of those overhead storage shelves that can hold 10,000 pounds...
Having watched one too many CSI type shows, my imagination progressed...
When someone would come upon this awful scene they would immediately suspect foul play. Crime scene detectives, Homicide and NCIS would be called to the tragic seen of a young woman (later they are amazed at her older age) who was tragically taken before her time by a dog crate, play pen and bungee cords...
They suspect a bungee cord slipped from off the shelf, suspiciously hooked onto the rising garage door ejecting the lethal debris which fell onto the unsuspecting (do they ever suspect?) victim.
But how! Why? Who?
Then, they would all develop theories...

1) Of course the spouse is always suspect #1. But what was his motive? Perhaps he wanted more wives but she wouldn't let him...

2) Next suspect...who had something to gain from her death? The Dan Jensen Groupies! Yes, its true. My husband has groupies - (who could help but to love the guy!).

3)Andrea! Yes...always claiming to be the favorite child she has used the old "criss-cross" plot. She gets rid of me, CSI suspects dad, then she takes over the business! Very devious...this will definitely be fodder for another of your novels no doubt...

Your theories are now welcome.

No Dignified Options Available

2008-04-25T20:10:00.001-07:00

Today’s adventure....
It was a rainy day with a cold, blustery wind so uncharacteristic for April. As the garage door opened Zoe ran out to meet me. She had been alone for 2 hours so I took her to the pen before going inside. I saw that the wind had kicked up a corner of the artificial grass so I stepped over to fix it. BANG went the side door as the wind plotted against me. Somehow the force locked the door and I was stuck in the dog kennel!
I looked for a hide-a-key (don't tell but now there is one:) that was not there and then was faced with
1)screaming for help (the garage door was still open)
2)climbing over the fence
Option 1 would of course be undignified and would also have been difficult with the roar of the wind and lawnmowers filling the usually peaceful neighborhood with noise akin to a freight train. So, I went with option 2. I’m not sure it was any more dignified…but I was able to do it thanks to my superior athletic skills!
The adventure continues...
Trying to act cool, wow!I like I had just climbed over the fence, I found the wind had blown over the plants on the front porch. I had difficulty sweeping up the dirt, especially with Zoe dancing and jumping around the broom.
I decided to do it right and got out the hose to spray down the entry way. "I can do this without getting wet" I thought optimistically while I wondered what the wind chill factor would be.
Zoe thought the water hose was even better than the broom! For a dog who whines when she has to go three steps into the rain to pee it was ironic seeing her get in the cold water like it was a hot summers day. We were now both wet and dirty. She ran in the house, tracking dirt all over the entry tile before I could grab her for a bath.
When I gave her a bath, in warm water I might add, I became soaked as she squirmed and struggled because(oh the irony!) she hates baths. I dried and combed her and then changed my clothes.
Perhaps dignity is over-rated.

Confessions of a Closet Organizer

2008-04-18T23:30:00.000-07:00

These confessions are by a professional organizer. Do not attempt these stunts at home alone. Wait until I come to visit and I will "help" you:)

All hangers must match. No wire hangers.
Sort clothes by type and purpose (pants together, jeans together within pants section, etc.)
Organize by color within each group, going light to dark
Organize shoes in similar fashion with shelves labeled for optimal neatness
Use and label bins to hold items on shelves
Utilize small clothes hampers for sorting laundry to be cleaned
Review each item (I do it spring and fall when I switch seasons) at least once a year to remove items your children would laugh at. If your children are too young to laugh at your clothes a sister is a better judge than a husband who says "it is fine".

#3 is really the key. I learned this system working at Nordstrom. I go from light to dark within colors and color groups. White, beige, yellow, orange, red, purple, green, blue, brown, black. Sometimes I mix it up with the purple, green and blue. It doesn't matter the order as much as order matters. I like to take it to the next level by, for example, going light to dark on dress pants, then dark to light on casual, then light to dark on the jeans so the color intensities kind of flow.

I love it! But, it doesn't keep me up at night so it's not technically obsessive.

Before corn was used for Ethanol

2008-04-15T13:45:00.000-07:00

Christmas Feast 2004

It looks like the kids got one piece of cake to share?

Before corn was used for Ethanol and eggs cost $4.00 a dozen...this is what our $15 a month could buy.

15 for 1$ - 8oz. cans of tomato sauce (used for making spaghetti or goop)
1$ gallon milk (we drank 1-2 gallons a month)
1$ 18 eggs
2 1$ packages of spaghetti or macaroni
10 for 1$ Campbell's Tomato Soup (made with half milk/half water)
1$ pound of hamburger (1-2# a month)
4 for 1$ bread
49 cents a pound for whole fryers

Things we ate: Spaghetti, "goop" (macaroni with hamburger, tomato sauce, onions and frozen corn), biscuits, potatoes (mashed was his favorite), tomato soup with saltine crackers or toasted cheese sandwiches. Fried chicken.Tuna casseroles were famous for how far they could be stretched. Frozen corn or peas were the only veggies.

Oatmeal, corn flakes, cheerios and scrambled eggs were standard breakfast fare. I made pancakes a few times but Dan said he didn't like them that much.

Special treats: Cookable chocolate pudding, cake (box cheaper than scratch), scratch cookies.

It was for sure a "loaves and fishes" type of time and we're not sure how we survived on $15 either but we did for, I would guess, 9 months.

After those days I remember having the food budget raised to $100 with at least Brian, maybe Andi.

Later, after serving a tuna casserole for dinner, Dan said, and I quote: "How much would I need to raise your food budget to never have a casserole again?"

As the 4 kids became teens we had a food budget of 400$. We enjoyed plenty of chips, ice cream, varied cereals and other "luxury" items. Most of the time there was no need for a "food budget" for which I am thankful.

The price of food...

2008-04-13T19:47:00.000-07:00

When Dan and I were first married our food budget was $15...a month! Granted, we worked at McDonald's and most days at least one of us were able to eat at least one meal there, but still! $15!
We now spend $30 a month on our dog, Zoe. However, I must say, for that price her food does look pretty appetizing.
4/14/08

Irony of a Playroom

2008-04-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

The purpose of a playroom is to play, obviously. I adamently insist this is what I want. The playroom is for playing...we have a doll house, a train set, TV/DVD, Barbies, cars and trucks. In the near future I may consider a video game system of some kind. We chose the room off of the family room to be the playroom thinking the kids would play in there while being close to the (adult) family. Most of the time we (the kids and I) bring things out of the playroom because what is the fun of having grandkids if I don't play with them?
HOWEVER!
The room can go from OCD organized to an exploded toy factory in a matter of minutes. Mothers frantically insist on having the kids pick up and try to put it back together but secretly I redo it after they leave.
THE IRONY-
A play room is for play and a family room is for reading, talking and TV but when you have kids a family room is really for family to play because it is a family activity...if there is a a family room and/or playroom for play and there are toys to play with, why then would toys not being played with be the "ideal" that you see in magazines?
THE JOY-
Every time (okay, usually) I clean up the toys I think of how grateful I am for the chance to share this fun with my grandkids. I treasure every day I have to be a Nonna...even if the balls and the barbies are not in the right bins.
Nonna-4/14/08