Sign Me Up For That!

Just like Congress, I would like an increase in my spending limit. Yes, I know, I've spent a lot lately - but only to stimulate the local economy. It wasn't all for me, I bought things for other people too. A Nordstrom Sale is just "Too Big to Fail" to go to.
"Enough is enough" the money earner proclaims!
No, not really. Black pants (1 each for dress, casual, skinny, classic, comfy and flattering) and shoes (smart, sexy, comfy, shiny, and then there are the colors - don't get me started!) define a well dressed woman.
Here's the deal:
Increase my spending limit now, then beginning in 2015 I will begin decreasing the increases by 1 cent per month. Really! I will begin spending a penny less per month for 10 years. Adjust for inflation of course. And it's not so much of a promise as a good intention.
What a plan! I think I'll go into politics...but I would need a new wardrobe.

What a Difference a TAN Makes

I went to the pool with my grandkids and I felt good. I had a TAN!
I didn't think about how old I was or how much I weighed (thanks to my "magic" swimsuit that makes me look 10 pounds thinner instantly), I felt comfortable and confident. Instead of feeling self-conscious I imagined people asking "She's a grandma?"
I know it is vain and counter intuitive, but every woman in North America wants the perfect tan. We know the sun is bad for us. It ages us and will give us skin cancer - but boy will we look good when we go to the pool. This season I found the solution with "Endless Glow".
My daughter Angel joined a company that sells airbrush tanning and sunless tanning products.
In May, when I almost died in a tornado (see previous blog) I had it for the first time and it felt really great to know that if I died, at least I'd gotten a little sun first. In June when I visited Dallas again I had another and this time bought the sunless tanning products so it would last longer. They work great and do not smell bad. Really!
Having a "tan" has really lifted my spirits during the long cold spell (that should have been the beginning of summer) and now when I go to the pool, I can sit in the shade.
What a difference a TAN makes.

Time is Real, Not Relative

Time is real. Really!
Real time. Time delay. Tell time. Story time. Bed time. Time to go! Time to start. Daylight time. Standard time. Mormon Standard Time. Just in time. Waste of time. Good use of time. It's almost time.
Running late. A little late. Too late.
If you set your clock fast, it does not change the fact of what time it really is. Time is a stable, dependable resource that is often in short supply. There is value to your own time, a need to respect other's time.
Years ago with our young family we found ourselves consistently late for church. It didn't matter what time our church began, it was always a last minute rush, a dash and likely a clash with tempers flaring and patience failing.
I was reminded of a story my seminary teacher Steve Sorenson taught: Imagine that there was a man who offered to give one thousand dollars to anyone who was at a certain terminal at the Portland Airport at precisely 6 a.m. If you were one minute, even one second late, you would receive nothing. No excuses.
What lengths would you go to, to ensure that you arrived on time? Would you plan extra time for a bridge lift, a flat tire, or a dead battery? Would you plan for unforeseen circumstances, parking and getting to the right terminal? When it was nearly 6 a.m. would you listen to one more song on the radio in your car, use the restroom to put on make-up or hang around with friends in the hall? If we could get there at 6 a.m. without fail...is it not merely a lack of respect, desire or urgency that causes us to be late for church?
Dan and I decided that we would plan adequate time to arrive at church on time without rushing. We planned how long it took to drive to church, arrive, park, go in and find seats. We then added the amount of time it takes to get into the car (about 5 minutes surprisingly with all the oh, I forgot my scriptures) and then 15 minutes for the "time to go" call when everyone brushes their teeth and puts on their shoes. It made going to church much less stressful.
While driving I am a better, more attentive driver if I am not rushing. If I'm going to a Dr. appointment, a hair appointment or a class at the gym my stress or enjoyment level is directly related to my planning ahead and leaving adequate time to arrive promptly.
I challenge anyone reading this to:

1. Change your clocks to reflect the actual real time
2. Have adequate clocks in your home to know what time it is
3. Be on time to every appointment for one week

Give me just a little more time!

Cheating Death Once Again

Whew! That was a close one...

WAH-H-H, WAH-H-H, WAH-H-H

WAH, WAH, WAH

I knew it couldn't be good, but it didn't make sense to panic when I didn't know what the blaring horns meant. There were few people around in the Denver Airport that night, at least at the end terminal opposite where I arrived from Dallas. I had just settled in for my two hour layover.

I was entertaining myself near the large windows by watching the intense lightening, strong winds and horizontal rain. I figured if there was something I needed to do I would hear an announcement over loud speakers.

Again, the wah, wah of the horns. It may have been Morse Code, but surely an announcement would instruct us if something was amiss so I enjoyed the force of nature and was grateful I didn't need to go outside in the storm. After several sets of warning blares an airline employee came running by yelling at us to get away from the windows and into the shelters because of a tornado. Yikes!

I began walking quickly to the restrooms and sure enough, there on a little sign near the entrance it proclaimed the restroom was a tornado shelter. Tornadoes in Denver?

The calm people outnumbered by far the flustered and worried so an orderly chaos prevailed. I made myself comfortable in the sink area and immediately called Angel to see if she would buy me a swimsuit if a tornado hit. This is a long running joke between the two of us. (Angel, I'm a size 6 he-he)

After 20 minutes or so we heard announcements being made in the terminal, but they were not audible in the restroom/tornado shelter. Soon "the word" was being passed from the front to the back and when it got to me, the people were quite panicked and said we were being moved downstairs to safety. I was able to offer a little voice of calm to a couple of handicapped people, as they tried to maneuver oxygen tanks and wheelchairs out of the circular entrance to the shelter. I made sure everyone was out before I left, but when we came out there was no one directing or moving people and it seemed that the threat was over.

My mood could best be described as amused. I was not fearful at all, and honestly doubted the reality of a tornado in Denver. I did do my "Worse Case Scenario" thinking that Angel's family (who I had made the trip for) and Dan (who took a different flight home for business) would feel responsible if I died...but I trusted that Andi would reassure them I didn't blame them and it wasn't their fault...that's as fatalistic as I could conjure up and I realized that "Hey, I really am calm in a crisis", good for me!

I'm sure that the spirit blessed me with a peace beyond my "natural man" so I determined to be a strength to anyone I could during the experience. Again the horns blasted so the few travelers and I headed back wondering why they would give an "all clear" if things were not clear. Over the loud speaker, before I could reach the shelter, "all clear" was declared so I returned to the seating. One more panicked employee ran and yelled for us to take cover but the announcements contradicted him and he soon stopped to listen.

The threat of a tornado seems to loosen the tongues of fellow passengers and now instead of sitting quietly in our own little worlds we began talking to each other. The woman next to me worried that our flight would be late, and hoped she would arrive at her dying mother's bedside before she passed away that evening as the doctor predicted. That pretty much put my desire to get to bed in perspective. I tried to alternately comfort and distract her and we formed a bond that strangers do in such circumstances without exchanging names.

Our plane was diverted to another airport, delayed then finally arriving. Eventually we landed in Portland safely after a 4+ hour delay just after 3am. Note to self: Take only direct flights to/from Dallas.

The news confirmed there were tornadoes in the Denver area. So, I have cheated death once again! Oh, the things we will endure for a good blog topic...

It's time for "The Talk" on Modesty

If there is something I am famous for it will probably be my talks on modesty to the young women about...ooh...20 years ago? . They were memorable to say the least. To this day when I see one of these young women (now all grown up) "The Talk" on modesty is what they remember. I did leave an impression - or scar - on them in this regard. The highlights they tell me were the barbie doll demo (Barbie and Ken dancing too close) and me bending over to expose (only partially of course) what should remain covered.
Now, I have felt impressed to teach the lesson again to a new crop of girls. The fact is, I'm teaching the daughters of the Young Women I taught before. Yikes! (see previous blog on aging crisis - have I lost my edge or just gone over it?)
The problem is I'm not sure I have the wild and crazy in me anymore. I'm going to need a pep-talk and serious prop clothing. I'm thinking of looking for a neon body suit to wear under my version of what they're wearing, but I doubt it will have the same effect...a work in progress. My main targets are leggings under short dresses, shirt gaps exposing boonda and the ever popular "Is this low enough to get their attention or do I need to drop something?"
Possibly I could sell tickets to this reprisal for a camp fundraiser!

Update: My lesson coincidentally coincided with the announcement that there would be a change in ward boundaries and I knew that I would be in another ward since we lived 50' from the ward line.

I ended up solving my "wild and crazy" dilemma by accepting the help of Alyssa (Barrus) Curran. She was one of my mutual girls back in the day, she is Michael's age. She is now the Young Women's President! She will do great.

I did do the "Barbie" thing, and I can confidently predict there will be no bear hugging committed by any of my girls.

My new calling in my new ward is in Relief Society...which means I won't be needing that cot, memory foam sleeping pad, high tech lantern, sleeping bag or tent...talk about cheating death once again (see tornado blog)!

54 - The New Thirty

Turning 30 was pretty traumatic. That's why I say I'm 29...in fact I've said it so often I've started to believe it! Or maybe I AM getting old and I can't remember my real age. Who would have thought it would come to this?

• 18 - Married
• 19 - 1st child
• 24 - Last child
• 30 - Children all in school
• 40 - 1st Child married
• 42 - Last child leaves for college
• 43 - 1st grandchild
• 45 - Last child married
• 45 - Leave for mission
• 48 - Return from mission
• 53 - All children have children - 12 grandchildren ages 7mo. to 10 years

Being a mother was consuming physically and emotionally. It was a time of great focus and purpose that sometimes seems lacking in my life now. The rewards of motherhood far outweigh the sacrifice, especially now that it is in the past to a large degree. The distance from those day to day pressures have given increased understanding to what eternal joy really means.

As parents, the goal of raising responsible, righteous, intelligent and independent children is an intense time of life. Dan and I were very blessed to have children with strong spirits talented in those (and many other) areas. There is a great sense of joy that for our feeble efforts the Lord rewarded us with remarkable children. If I can boast of any "accomplishment" in life it is them. They have been my education and my career. They now nurture their own children who are so precious and dear to me that words cannot express my love for them.

So now, at 54, where does that leave me? Sometimes I feel I need more purpose, more feeling of accomplishment doing something important. I hope that my "education" and "work experience" can have value. Then I realize, it does.

• 54 - Wife. Mother. Grandmother. Daughter of God.

I still have my whole life ahead of me.

Snow Dance 2009 Meets With 100% Success

Oh Yeah! We did it kids! The snow dance worked. From Dallas to St. George, Boise and Vancouver who can doubt the power of the snow dance?

Thanksgiving Family Reunion

http://www.tmcustomportraits.com/proofs/Jensen

We had such a wonderful time being together and the days went by way too fast. The kids played together amazingly well and stayed in the basement which was very convenient for us adults! Eat, talk, eat, talk, repeat. The food was plentiful and we have much to be thankful for. We watched BYU win in overtime over Utah - life just doesn't get better than that!

Family pictures came together relatively easily, special thanks to those who planned the clothing.

We are just so blessed as a family! Here are words to a song by Michael McLean that came to my mind as it all drew to a close...

Well, it's hard to say goodbye and let go.
And it's hard to see it end.
When the memories we've just made may never happen again.
But it's harder for time to ever erase,
The together times we've shared.
So, when we're apart remember
All the love we've shared together;
And for all that love,
Thank the Lord above who showed us the way
That we can be together forever someday.
We can be together forever someday.

Barbeque Slug Fest

I'm not sure how it started, but for the family reunion we had a talent show where the subject was "Barbecue Slugs". Each family developed an act for the subject. All of them turned out imaginative and we had lots of fun watching the acts and laughing our heads off. Raps, rock and primary songs were great - but I have to share the words for this one Angel & Brad came up with. It is set to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies...

Let me tell you a story about a man named Dan
In a "Micky Dee's" is where it all began
He had mad skills cookin' on the "Bar-bee"
And that's how he won the heart of Beverly!

Church that is...

Well they got hitched and had a family
Money was tight and they were hungry
So off Dan went to hunt 'em some food
When up from the ground come a slitherin' crude.

Slugs that is..."Washington Prime"...

Well home he came with 'em all in his hat
Beverly said "What the Heck is that?"
He said "Not sure, but I think it's food,
So grab some buns an' fire up the Bar-B-Que!"

Don't forget the Salt!

So now each year the story's told
To all our kin both young and old
How Bar-B-Que Slugs came to be-e-e-e...
The best tradition of the Jensen Family!

Then they danced a hoe-down and played air ukulele. It was great!
You all come back now, ya-hear?

Flash Forward

What if we could see into the future?
What might we do different?
If we saw today, in the past, how might that have affected our choices?

The death of a friend and a new series on television has sparked some thoughts on this subject...

I have tried in the past to claim I am 29, but when 7-year-old grandchildren scoff, "Oh Nonna, you are 50 something" the gig is up. As 100 years (with the millennium) is a best case scenario it is clear that my life is at least half over.
Recently a friend in our ward passed away unexpectedly. He died on a Sunday evening, having been in perfect health and attending church that morning. He was 10 years older than Dan. Although we feel we are young and have many more years together, our friend's passing reminds us that each day is a gift. We've always hoped that the millennium would come before we had to face the reality of mortality.
The passing of our friend has changed how I see my life. The current "holding pattern" of health, security and companionship will someday come to an end. To consider if I had only 10 more years to be together with my husband would be frightening, but to naively think that life will never change is unwise.
What if we could see into the future?
I think that my entire life I have looked to the future as the cure all for unhappiness, stress and frustrations. Whether it was finding the perfect husband, getting the kids out of diapers or serving a mission with my husband - the future always held the promise of happiness. My perspective is changing now. Although I don't want to be that grandma that sits on the couch and talks about the past, the future will have a hard time beating it. Now more than ever I want to treasure the time that is now.

In my deep thinking mode a few nights ago, it was almost as if I was transported back in time. Remembering myself in our first apartment, sleeping on our hand-me-down bed, eating on a garage sale table and sitting on a D.I. reject couch. I was so happy to have found the perfect man, my new life was just beginning. I had lofty dreams and goals, but never would I have imagined the journey ahead. The places I've been, homes I've lived in, the things I've owned - all beyond my wildest dreams. But they are not what I remember, what I cherish. Not even a Sleep Number bed and two dressers can compare with the love of my life, Daniel and our children. Life brings us amazing experiences, many more than we imagined at 18 and 21 when we began our journey together.
Reflecting on the past, then flash forward to now - I realize that life moves quickly in retrospect, while crawling slowly, tentatively, in the present. Although some of the "experiences" are ones we wish didn't happen, they have all worked together to create the reality of today.
Today is wonderful!

Ode to Drixoral

Oh! Drixoral, Drixoral. Wherefore art thou Drixoral?

'Ere once I openly met thee at the drugstores,

silently thou didst creep behind the counter.

Doest thou lay in slumber whilst I lay in agony?

Oh, my little green m&m pill!

Thou hast brought me relief in my youth when

I took thee into mine abode and cherished thee within my closet.

Never didst I abuse thee.

Ever did I beg thee to keep the formulation of thy youth.

I need thee!

My nose drips, my head throbs, there is no other who can take thy place.

Care ye not for my suffering? Is my searching to be in vain?

No more in the cold & allergy rack.

Not to be found behind the counter.

I journey the land seeking to find your hiding place,

Willing to sacrifice identity and gold to again possess thee, yet I depart empty handed.

I plea to the powers of the FDA and pharmaceuticals!

Enduring commercials for diseases previously unknown are but a minor irritation.

Gladly will I seek my medical professionals advice.

Please tell me where I can find thee once again, Drixoral.

Drixoral. Thy name is hope to me.

It is air in my nostrils, clearness of head and mind.

Drixoral, Drixoral! Please return to me, thy truest friend.

A Blessed Event

Here is a picture of Ellie.

She is a smiler!

On August 2, 2009 our son, Brian gave a name and blessing to our precious grandchild. She was given the name Aelizia Laralei. What a wonderful event for our family. We gathered at our house afterwards to celebrate with lasagna and lots of baby holding. Ellie wore Laralei's blessing gown and is so beautiful we can never get enough of her!

35 YEARS DOWN - ETERNITY TO GO

On August 19th Dan and I celebrated 35 years of wedded bliss. It is incredible to think of the experiences we have shared. I never could have conceived the joys I've experienced along the journey of life. Having children, the blessings of the gospel and temple in our daily lives, owning a business, activities with children and the community, traveling throughout the world for business and pleasure, serving a mission... we dealt with time-consuming jobs, demands of school and sports for the children, house-training pets, demanding church callings, building a home and financial ups and downs...but everything was faced together with the eternal perspective that we are a forever family.

After 35 years our eternal family has gone from two to 12 (5 children + spouses) to 24 (with 12 grandchildren)! I thought that marriage would be "always being together" which is exactly what it is now. The experiences we've shared and the promise of eternity means even when we're apart temporarily we are together...still just the beginning of these two young kids who fell in love.

Enjoy the video of us throughout the years!

TO BED IN TIME, SAVES WHINE

Age 6 mo. here, Justis still sleeps with his dog and blanket. So cute!

I have recently discovered a universal truth in babysitting. Putting kids to bed on time saves tears and whining.

In the quest to be the best Nonna ever I have become very lax in my enforcement of bedtime curfews. This was not the case when I was mothering my children, but when "nonna-ing" grandchildren I fall victim to a "They're being good so what's the harm?" mentality.
My knowledge of child psychology (and physiology) should override such neglect of common sense. When a child stays up past bedtime, the facade of tranquility is bound to be short-lived. We now enter "The Whining Zone".
"I miss my mommy."
Children who are past the tired time quickly enter this zone with little to no provocation or warning. Favorite blankets, stuffed animals, degree of door opening relative to lights in adjacent rooms or the desperate need for sleepy time music is suddenly a crisis. No assurances or distractions can stop the tears.
Key to survival is NSF. The Nonna Sympathy Factor.
Although virtually unknown to my children, the grandchildren know just how to leverage their age, length of parent's absence and level of that day's obedience as key indicators to successfully stalling going to bed. Entering the Whining Zone means both players are losers.
So, "To bed in time, saves whine" are important rules to live by....no matter how old you are.

St. George - So HOT it's COOL

June 27, 2009 Ethan Michael Jensen

is baptised and confirmed by his dad.

Nonna introduces cream puffs
as a food group to Adam Michael (6 mo.)

Dan and I went to St. George, Utah to visit Michael & Jani, Ethan (8), Emma (5), Aaron (3), Adam (6 mo.). We always have so much fun when we go to St. George. People say that it is the up & coming place to be, and I must agree that it is so HOT its got to be COOL.

Most days it was 110+ and being a "dry heat" wasn't much of a consolation. We went to a laser game place, a production of Annie in an outdoor theatre and some great restaurants. Dan and Michael played golf at some amazing courses while Jani, the kids and I had quality time at the hotel swimming pool. We met Michael & Jani's friends and family and were impressed by what great people they are and how much Michael & Jani are loved.

The best day was when Ethan was baptised and confirmed on Saturday, June 27th. We are so proud of the special young man Ethan is and the choices he has made. There is another precious joy to see our son with his beautiful family knowing the same joy we have known as parents.

It was a special day, back in Washington as well. Laralei & Brian were about to receive beautiful Aelizia as their first born (see previous blog).

It's hard to believe that 8 years have passed since Ethan's birth. We shared his story with our missionaries many times as an example that the Lord is in the details and blesses us with little miracles to bring us joy.

Jani was due with Ethan June 28th, 2001. This was the same day we were leaving on our mission, so we prayed for a little miracle. We came to Utah a week early so Dan could teach a short seminar there at the Provo Marriot. As we were about to leave for Salt Lake we arranged for someone with a cart to help with our many large suitcases. We waited for almost an hour then called the desk to check...they had forgotten us but someone would come soon. We checked the room one more time as the phone rang. It was Michael! Jani was in labor and in the hospital about to have the baby! The only reason he remembered our room phone number was because it was one digit off his work number! He didn't have any other phone number to reach us with him , so without this miracle we would have missed out! As it was, we drove to the hospital, saw them for a minute and went to the waiting room. Within an hour Michael came out to tell us the happy news and we were able to see Ethan when he was only a few minutes old. The night before we left for Italy we skipped the special banquet and went to pizza with Michael, Jani & her family. I held Ethan several times. Finally, as Dan and I turned and left down that long hallway of the MTC Dan said; "Shall we not go forth in so great a cause". And we did.

We did it knowing that the Lord had blessed us to have this last choice experience. It will always be a testimony that the Lord cares about his children so much that he will oversee phone numbers and memory lapses to work for our good.

Aelizia June 27, 2009

Aelizia Laralei Jensen arrived a little early and had a few complications but we are excited to have that behind us and have her home with her mom and dad - Brian & Laralei. She was 6.3 pounds and her length is in dispute but I can tell you she has long fingers and toes. Her features are delicate and her little face perfectly round and innocent.

At birth she had severe anemia and had to be transferred to a hospital with a NICU to receive a blood transfusion. It was critical for a while but they felt the Lord's hand in guiding the timing, process and health professionals who did tests not normally done which revealed the problem promptly. Thanks to all who have fasted and prayed for her.

Brian and Laralei are so grateful to begin their family... I even saw Brian change a diaper! I love seeing the look on their faces as they hold her. It was worth the wait, they're a beautiful little family now.

Aelezia - we'll be calling her Ellie - make an even dozen of grandchildren for me. 6 boys, 6 girls...an OCD dream come true!

DALLAS - HOT LIKE A FEVER!

Dallas in June is hot, or did I have a fever?
My nonna services were needed for two families at once. Being the "out of the box" type of thinker I am I came up with a plan. I took Justis and Nia to Texas to be with Tori and Abbie so I could nonna sit both at once. Angel and Brad were only gone for a few of the 10 days so I can't over dramatize my bravery...but there was one contingency we didn't plan for: Strep Throat.
A day or two after arriving Justis didn't feel well. He seemed to have a fever and said his throat hurt so I gave him some Tylenol. He had a badly infected finger which we thought may be the cause of the fever. Soon, Tori and Nia didn't feel well. Virus alert!
It was 90+ degrees, it was hard for me to judge if I was hot, or fever hot. Pain killers/fever reducers are a miracle of modern science. They allowed me to continue my hectic schedule of cooking, swimming, playing and keeping the house picked up while Angel and Brad were gone. I felt terrible, but was loving the chance to be with the kids. Time to suck it up!
Angel had planned fun activities to do like a splash park and a huge jumping/slide kid's place all of which entertained and exhausted the munchkins. Dallas has a large aquarium where the kids saw sharks being fed, huge alligators and a jaguar (he wasn't sure what he was doing in an aquarium). Dallas is an awesome place for families. The pool in their condo unit is literally behind their backyard. No one was too sick (when properly dosed up) to play so we had a great time.
I was glad I could bring the cousins together.
After we returned home Andi took Nia to the doctor and she tested positive for strep. Wow! That explains so much. My blood tests were off the chart for bacteria, a sign I had strep, but I was fine by then. Angel became sick and she tested positive as well. I was gone by then so I couldn't make her jello:)
We had so much fun in Dallas, it was "hot"!

The Calorie Myth

Here I am making Lasagna for 65 guests. I didn't really get dirty, just dabbed on some sauce for effect. I made homemade gelato and fresh dressing from scratch for the salad made from scratch...they haven't discovered pre-made salads yet - a possible business opportunity for someone out there

While I'm in my kitchen, let me give you a few tips for healthy eating. First: The so-called experts on dieting have the calorie theory all wrong. Let me explain how it works.

Calories are a measure of energy. Eating is the way we who are not blessed with a windmill for a head to make energy. Energy is needed to perform our daily work, exercise, shop and babysit. Cooking a meal, setting the table and cleaning up use calories, thus canceling any calories consumed by eating in these activities. Some foods have received the reputation of being "high" in calories which supposedly makes you gain weight. Let me just point out a few of these myths.

Common Sense: Healthy food is good for you.

Myth: Cake, cookies, ice cream, etc. are high in calories.

Fact: Combining healthy ingredients from different food groups; such as flour, eggs and milk make such healthy foods a "balanced meal".

Common Sense: It is important to consume water. Water has no calories.

Myth: Soda, watermelon and whole milk are high in calories.

Fact: Water is NOT fattening. These foods are first and foremost mostly composed of water. Take the water out, there is virtually no weight left in these drinks. Therefore, things mostly composed of water are not fattening but rather good for you.

Common Sense: "Garbage in, garbage out" applies to food. If you consume 10 pounds of... say whole wheat flour you should by this rule gain 10 pounds (since it is not mostly water or a combination of healthy foods, see above)

Myth: Eating potato chips is fattening.

Fact: Ridiculous! If you eat a 10 oz. bag of potato chips the most you should gain is 10 oz. That's less that a pound. When eating candy, which does weigh more, go for things such as a Milky Way bar or a Twinkie which are light and fluffy. Snickers, by contrast are a bit heavier.

True: Protein is an important part of your diet.

Myth: Meat, as a heavy food item is high in calories. Not when served as part of a healthy meal.
Fact: Protein (steaks, hamburger, etc.) when consumed with other healthy foods such as fruits and vegetables are a balanced diet which is healthy eating. Try potatoes (vegetable) with butter & sour cream (dairy), rolls (grains) and soda. Yum, yum, and good for you too.

Share your diet tricks for a healthless life style!

The Perfect Job For Me

I am currently unemployed. One could even say I am chronically unemployed. I have thought of several jobs which I would be perfect for. Please contact me with openings in the following fields...Test model for eyebrow plucking. Perhaps a chain of them marketed to women over 50 who can no longer see their eyebrows close enough to pluck them.

Color naming. Forget boring, predictable names. Orangutan Orange, Positively Perfect Pale Plum, Baby Blinking Blue. I'll be up all night thinking up more of these...

Writing crazy passwords for people to type into the comment section of the blogs...usually it says something although it's careful to be cryptic and not too obvious...is there really someone who does not see it on their screen?

Parking cars. I have lots of experience in Italy.

Street naming. If I named streets, subdivisions would have a "theme" like Camelot. Sir Lancelot Lane, King Arthur Avenue, Sword Street (say that 5 times fast!).

Worst case scenario planning. It would be kind of like pre-planned funeral arrangements...it ends in disaster but preparing for it is half the fun.

List making. If it's worth doing, it's worth doing it with a list.

Now do your own perfect job description in the comment section.

Don't Worry, Your Car is Okay

Dear Dan,
There's been a little "incidente" (Italian for 'accident') tonight. Don't worry, your car is okay. This was my evening:
Since you were out of town, I agreed to watch Justis and Nia after school. I planned to take them to Mutual with me tonight while Andi and Jason did their Choffee thing in Portland. For dinner I made the kids and I a Bertolli (pasta in a red sauce with chicken breast) since they had liked it before and I was not in the mood for corn dogs, mac & cheese or eating out. Nia ate well but I had let Justis fill up on ice cream, fishies, oreos, etc. so he fussed about eating. All bribes and threats were unsuccessful, and since he had been sick earlier in the week I decided not to force feed him.
I went upstairs to change into church clothes (it was an Easter Program at the Stake Center) and told the kids to brush their teeth. They were confused... "Why do you have to brush your teeth if it's not bedtime?", but they complied.
We went in your car to the Stake Center, arriving 10 minutes early. Stepping out of the car, about to go around to get Justis out of the car when "URP" goes Nia. Don't worry, your car is okay. She urped on the ground right next to your car.
There was no warning, complaining of feeling sick, etc. URP...all over the parking lot where people would walk. It was a Stake Activity and the parking lot was full of people. I had to clean it up somehow. I would go into more details about how hard it is to clean up vomit from an asphalt parking lot but I will spare you the details.
I had to leave them alone out there while I ran inside to get paper towels. I cleaned up fairly well, but what to do with the dripping, smelly paper towels? I found some baggies we had for the dog, whew. Okay? No, more urping. Another trip inside to get more paper towels. Both kids were in tears and I was wondering what I was doing in this situation. Just lucky I guess.
When we were fairly sure the urping was done we got into the car and went to their home. (As you remember we had just had the carpets cleaned from Justis' turn with the bug). I laid Nia's coat on her lap and told her if she got sick again to throw up into her coat. She was horrified at the thought so I began to take off my jacket to give to her. She said she would just "hold it". She wisely sensed it would be a bad idea to throw up in your car.
We made it home with no urping and she went straight to bed. I prepared a bowl and towel just in case and she urped several more times. Through this all I stayed pretty calm and knew things could have been worse. I stayed with her in her room, held her hair back when she urped some more. I read to Justis and spent some time watching them sleep... it was actually a very special bonding time. It made me a little nostalgic, wishing I could go back in time to sit and watch our kids sleep at this age...We're so blessed.
So...all's well that ends with no urping in your car.
Love, your wife (and protector of all things red and sporty) beverly