Top Ten Reasons to Buy a Segway

In San Diego we went to the Wild Animal Park and went on a Segway tour.
In this picture we are not moving but standing still on Segways, with a mean looking Bison in the background.

To ride, you simply put weight on your toes or heels to move forward and back. By turning the handle you can turn 360 degrees. Segways are balanced with a gyroscope and run completely silent. So-o-o-o...I need to think of some ways to convince Dan we should buy Segways.

Top Ten Reasons to buy a Segway

10) Emergency Preparedness. A great evacuation vehicle, it can travel 8-10 mph for about 20 miles on a single charge.

9) Save the Planet. It uses no gas, emits no fumes.

8) Cost effective. If gas were $10 a gallon and we could save...maybe 2 gallons of gas a month...a Segway could pay for itself in only 20 years!

7) Exercise. More distance = more exercise. Think how many miles we can "run" without ever breaking a sweat.

6) Coolness Factor. "My Grandpa has a boat." "Yeah? Well my grandpa has a Segway."

5) Visits from relatives. Be honest, wouldn't you be creatively thinking of a reason to visit? Perhaps, a spontaneous desire to bring us homemade chocolate chip cookies?

4) Date night. Forget $75 for dinner and a movie. We can see the world (within 20 miles) and probably be invited to a neighbors barbeque.

3) Christmas Cards. "Dear friends and family, We are well, the kids are swell. We have Segways. Happy Holidays"

2) Easy access. Access to fast food has never been easier. A front storage compartment will hold a Big Mac, fries and an extra large Sprite. Loan payments are conveniently made with easy access to drive thru banking.

1) And the number one reason why we should buy a Segway? You tell me. Believe me, Dan is a hardsell on this one so make it good!

Why I Make My Bed

There are two important times for your house to be clean:

1. Christmas
2. Vacation

The reason for the first is obvious. "Santa doesn't come to a messy house."

Seat belts for car accidents. Life jackets for boat accidents. Remember: "Seat backs in their full and upright position. In case of a water landing your seat cushion may become a floatation device." Low calorie, low fat and low sodium. Yes, potential death is a real motivator.... but not as motivating as potential public embarrassment.

If you are in a fatal accident while on vacation the Relief Society will "come in". This "coming in" will include judgement on what kind of a person you were, based on how clean your house is at the moment of tragic and sudden death.

Yes, the Relief Society will see if you have left any dishes in the sink or failed to make your bed. The "tsk-tsk" of a Relief Society President who had to "come in" only to find your laundry was piled up would never let you rest in peace.

This embarrassment would live in infamy. It would be unfortunate to be remembered as "that woman" who left her home a mess when she left on vacation.

Let this be a warning; "Yea, a reminder for this generation". Wear clean underwear and mop the floor on the way out.

If I am in an accident while on vacation would someone please "come in" and clean my office before the Relief Society does!

Making Lemonaid Outside the Lemonaid Stand

I am a good lemonade maker!
Give me a lemon, or most any "fruit" and I can create some sort of juice. I can take a problem and then find a solution, if not immediately then at least eventually I can find a way to improve it. I do not take full credit of course because Dan and I come up with a lot of this together...here are some examples.

Problem: Traffic at the airport is insane. There are "Airport Nazi's" blowing whistles for you to move on and then you have to take the 1 mile loop to come back. Cars have been lined up a quarter mile at times. The cell phone lot is in a dark, deserted place that I try to avoid.
Solution: We have a two level deck with departures upstairs and baggage claim for arrivals downstairs. While the whistles, honks and sighs of frustration emanate from down below....I am relaxing smugly at the curb upstairs. There are maybe 10 other enlightened souls up with me waiting for their spouses to arrive. Few if any passengers are departing at these peak arrival times so I can park and relax until Dan comes. If he has checked luggage he simply rides the elevator to the upper level.

Problem: How to get American goods while living in Italy on our mission.
Solution: Parents come with empty suitcases to pick up their missionaries. Dan would call one or two as needed to ask them to bring some things with them. We ordered the items on the Internet and had them sent to the parents home. Sometimes we asked parents to buy things if we couldn't order it online and then we reimbursed them upon their arrival. This is a partial list of the items brought to us...6x8' area rugs (2), nylons, items won on eBay, lap top (twice:), favorite candy, "underwear", 1000's of Cd's (only got nailed with tariff's once), decongestants (TONS! we sold them at cost to the missionaries) and onion soup mix. None of the other MP's had thought of this.

These are clear examples of making lemonade outside the lemonade stand, but it's really the small, everyday solutions that I come up with that sometimes amaze even me! I've even figured out something to list as a talent on the Relief Society surveys: making lemonade!

Why Sheep Get Lost

The purpose of the Primary lesson was to teach how Jesus is our shepherd. We are his sheep and should follow Him. After explaining what a shepherd does I thought I would teach the 5-6 year-olds how to be good sheep and follow the shepherd with an object journey.
"We will be quiet sheep," I optimistically instructed my 7 sheep. "I will be the shepherd." I lined them up in twos. One boy was asked to be the shepherd helper in the back to make sure all the sheep came.
I opened the door. Before I could step into the hall most of the sheep were halfway down to the chapel. The sheep who were paying attention came back and we waited for the others to notice they were astray. Our first stop was the library and we almost made it there together as a flock.
We continued outside because it was such a beautiful day and sheep love the sun. The flock scattered from the path and did not hear the voice of their shepherd. It was a lot like herding cats.
We came back into the building because clearly this was not going well. We stopped in the area between the inner and outer doors to continue the object lesson. There were only 7 children (I've had as many as 14) and I could hardly contain them within an enclosed 10x10 spot. "This is our sheepfold where we would stay for the night." The shepherd's helper was placed at one door and I was at the other. I told them that he was like the Bishop who helps Jesus. Each of them were given a wall - a commandment that would help them stay safe. "The shepherd will help you be safe if you stay together and listen to the shepherd."
I was frustrated. This was turning out to be a great lesson but no one was listening! The sheep were ignoring the shepherd and doing whatever they pleased.
Suddenly it all became very clear...this is the predicament the Savior is in. He can certainly not force the sheep to stay in the fold. He loves his sheep and does not want any of them to be lost...but they are just grazing and looking for green pastures to roam on their own.
This is why sheep get lost.
If we stray from the safety of the sheepfold we are prey for the wolves of the world. If we do not learn the voice of our Shepherd we will be distracted and not know which way to go. We need to PAY ATTENTION or the lessons will be over and we will end up coloring a picture instead of painting an eternal future.

Procrastination

I need to clean my office. Coming from the person who is a "closet organizer" this is hard to admit. My closets are clean and organized but my office is not. I thought it would be fun to list some of the creative activities I have used as "procrastination techniques". Perhaps some would be useful for you....

• Laundry. This is great because it needs to be done and it can be done and then it is done until a day or two later when you can do it again.
• Ironing. It is a sad day when I would rather iron than clean my office.
• Prepare a Primary Lesson. A noble cause, yes? This must include a very creative handout or activity that will be interesting to the children and help the parents know what we are learning about. This is a weekly event so it can be used to procrastinate at least once a week.
• Compile 72 hour kits. This could be something I really appreciate later. The downside is that all of the emergency info available from different sources is now a major part of the problem of the messy office.
• Laminate paper to hold business cards and addresses on the inside of kitchen cabinets. Yes, I'm becoming a bit desperate now. One is for neighbors, and one is for services like painting, house or carpet cleaning, lawn care, etc. This has greatly enhanced my enjoyment of opening the two cabinets that before held sticky notes.
• Email. How convenient that I must delete multiple emails from foreigners who have great investments or vitamins that would change my life!
• Watch a T.V. show. Once it is evening and I have put in a hard day of procrastinating who could really blame me for wanting to relax a bit.
• Mah-jong. This solitaire puzzle is mind numbing.
• Re-organize the file cabinet. Make labels for the dividers and make sure the subjects are color coded. See "closet organizer" blog, but think paper. There is much more to do, so I may soon be procrastinating this as well.
• Replace, update and hang pictures for the grandkids hall of fame. This is in my office so I do consider it part of the cleaning process.
• Blog. I can write a new blog...check my blog for comments... look at my kids blogs for new postings and then blog my comments for them. Blog, blog, blog.

It's The Thought That Counts

For Mother’s Day the Relief Society held a special program for all of the Sisters. It was arranged that the Priests would teach the Primary Classes that Sunday. Well, it's the thought that counts...
The priests came in the Primary Room with the confidence that comes with 5 minutes of basic survival training. They were not given a parachute as they were pushed out of the plane into the Primary war zone. High casualties were expected.
The battlefield was full of confusion. "Third door on the left" sounded the battle cry. They froze in their places as they were either rushed with adrenalin or falling into a stupor of thought. It was hard to tell. They consulted with each other trying to figure out who was teaching which class, who could count three doors down and which side was left. Seeing their bewilderment I lead them to the battlefront of the classroom.
The children were surprised by the change of command. "What are 'they' doing here?" they whined. After explaining about Mother's Day, the kids were still confused, "You are a teacher not a mother". The children still did not understand what was going on. I continued to explain while seating them boy/girl.
Well, there were not enough girls to do boy/girl exactly and this was upsetting to one of the girls. As she begins to cry we arrange it the best we can by seating boy/girl/boy/boy/girl/boy/boy/girl/boy. It was the best pattern we could come up with.
The kids were still unsure of the situation and very wiggly. I explained again that the young men would be teaching and they needed to be reverent. I had no delusions that this pep talk would be effective. It did, however, give the illusion of calm to the young men. Reality would arrive soon enough.
It would be impossible for these relunctant warriers to remember the children's names. I had an idea to help them out, small hankies to replace the missing parachutes. I counted off the children and told them that their number was their name for that day. The young men looked uncertain. I was determined to instill confidence to my faltering troops. I smiled reassuringly and said: “Okay, I’ll turn it over to you and you’re all set.”
“Where are you going? Aren’t you staying with us?” they begged.
Time to become a man!
I patted them on the shoulder and I did not look back.

Your Theory Welcome

I could have died!!! (Dramatic exaggeration added for dramatic effect.)
Tuesday as I opened the garage door and stepped toward my car door (Izzy, the red one:) I almost met my demise (or a serious head wound) as wood, metal, playpen parts and bungee cords fell from the ceiling only inches (so many inches it could be measured in feet, maybe yards) from my head.
Luckily, it missed Izzy and I so you do not need to send cards, we're okay.
There in a heap lay the remains of the decorator dog kennel. The playpen piece was the make shift lid we secured with bungee cords to keep Zoe from jumping out. When all was said and done we decided it was not that "decorator" with the playpen floor strapped to the top so we put it in the garage in one of those overhead storage shelves that can hold 10,000 pounds...
Having watched one too many CSI type shows, my imagination progressed...
When someone would come upon this awful scene they would immediately suspect foul play. Crime scene detectives, Homicide and NCIS would be called to the tragic seen of a young woman (later they are amazed at her older age) who was tragically taken before her time by a dog crate, play pen and bungee cords...
They suspect a bungee cord slipped from off the shelf, suspiciously hooked onto the rising garage door ejecting the lethal debris which fell onto the unsuspecting (do they ever suspect?) victim.
But how! Why? Who?
Then, they would all develop theories...

1) Of course the spouse is always suspect #1. But what was his motive? Perhaps he wanted more wives but she wouldn't let him...

2) Next suspect...who had something to gain from her death? The Dan Jensen Groupies! Yes, its true. My husband has groupies - (who could help but to love the guy!).

3)Andrea! Yes...always claiming to be the favorite child she has used the old "criss-cross" plot. She gets rid of me, CSI suspects dad, then she takes over the business! Very devious...this will definitely be fodder for another of your novels no doubt...

Your theories are now welcome.